Angry in the Great White North

a heat-seeking missile in the Conservative arsenal

Kimveer Gill spent a lot of time playing "Super Columbine Massacre RPG," an online role playing game in which players can relive the events of April 20, 1999. There is a forum associated with the game, and Gill's actions are being discussed:

Just 1 shooter and 1 dead??? Not even worth a Videogame, besides, he didnt go out the way he should have.

Also, sinc ethey shot and killed him, he didnt go out the right way.

That's a cold way to see things. I decided to track down this person, and I was surprised to discover that a 16-year-old boy from Corpus Christi, Texas, wrote those words. His name is Adrian.

Here is an excerpt from Adrian's blog:

My worst enemies are those who presume me to be harmless. They cannot imagine how much I resent and disdain them, or just how great a threat they would face if I could get at them. Everything in their behavior speaks of insult and presumptuousness, and for now it is all I can do to make constructive use of my anger toward them. At this time, I just make a list of them and keep a watch on. Some day, with the help of time, space, and circumstance, I will be able to humiliate them properly - not in a manner they would enjoy, but in a style calculated to make them wish that they had never been born.

If he could get at them...presume him to be harmless...a list...make them wish they had never been born.

A promise to exact revenge but not the promise of raw violence...yet.

But a boy consumed by revenge fantasies playing an ultraviolent game that focuses on mass unfocused murderous revenge? A game played by another young man who has made that revenge fantasy come true?

Even the name of Adrian's blog, "Fhtagn!", comes from the nihilistic horrors of short story writer H.P. Lovecraft. The incantation "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!" is supposed to draw the attention of Great Cthulhu, the monstrous high priest of the Great Old Ones, the true masters of the universe, worshipped as gods by early humans. Though mostly forgotten, they are destined to return to reclaim their domains in our dimension. When they do, humanity will descend into mass insanity and an orgy of wholesale slaughter. In Lovecraft's stories, gaining this knowledge of the true destiny of mankind invariably drives the character in question mad with the sheer pointlessness of it all.

No one actually believes in Lovecraft's fictitious gods, but then Adrian has some harsh words for religion:

Jesus and god are the ones idiots follow. if you follow them, then you have serious issues.

Fuck you gently with a chain saw.

This is a boy filled with a lot of anger and self-loathing and blames everyone else for his problems. Everyone else is either an idiot or is out to get him. They deserve to be humiliated by him.

One of the things you learn as you grow older is that it is impossible to humiliate anybody. You can only humiliate yourself. In other words, you have to be given the power to humiliate another person by that person, by his or her poor choices. When we talk about a sports team suffering a humiliating defeat, for example, we are really talking about the poor performance of losing team rather than the good performance of the winning team.

So our troubled teen here thinks he will "humiliate them properly." Not likely, unless each and every one of them does something excruciatingly embarassing, and Adrian somehow learns about it.

At some point he will learn that he is not likely to be able to humiliate any of the people on his list.

What will he do then? Will he abandon his dreams of revenge? Hopefully, but he is playing this game. A game that shows another path to revenge, one he can follow if he chooses to take it.

Actually, he's already thinking it. When others took him to task over his comments about religion, he made his feelings quite clear:

Welp, it was people liek you that caused Columbine.

And im outta here.

Adrian blames the carnage at Columbine not on Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, but on alleged bullying. Not holding Harris and Klebold responsible is disturbing, especially since he plays a game in which he can do what they did that day. He stops just short of justifying their actions.

His parents have separated or divorced, and he has recently moved out of his mother's house and moved in with his dad. Can his dad help him through his anger? Not likely. People who have tried to help become the target of yet more paranoid rage:

to each one of my fathers friends who are looking at my blog, and my myspace and telling him the thinsg you tell him:

The part about how i was hungry was when i was visiting my mother, as was the one where i was saying to get me the hell out of here.

Dont call my father about what i write here.
Because you dont know shit.

One final thing, Why the hell are you guys looking at my profile anyway? does a 16 year old boy turn you on you perverts? you guys shouldnt even be looking for teenagers to add as friends you fucking Child Molesters. i ought to report you.

It's hard to be appreciative when people are trying to help. It's especially hard when you are young. Accepting help is fundamentally a humbling experience. But Adrian's anger against those who have talked to his father is especially nasty. He doesn't just not want any help, he wants to hurt those who have tried to help. Humility is not part of this boy's mental makeup. I wonder if empathy is.

In any case, I suppose those people who talked to his dad are on his list too.

Should we be worried? Back to those people who gave him a rough time over his comments about religion:

not much though, just some bitch asking if anyone knows some guy.
Either way, even theese fucks cant bring me down, and this is my week.

Besides, theese jerks will get whats coming to them, soon.

Sounds like a promise. Why is this his week? And what, exactly, is going to happen to the "jerks"? How soon is "soon"?

He posted that promise on September 12.